That happened to me, and since he left, I have been trying desperately to find myself again, and I am failing miserably, instead I have become extremely emotional, irrational, anxious,anti-social, angry, overly sensitive, vague, absent minded, paranoid and insecure....sure, all those 'traits' were always there to some extent, but now they are there more than ever, and I don't like it, I am trying to fight it, I don't want them to define me, I don't want them to push my loved ones away or my fiance. I am terrified.
Maybe the old me is gone? Maybe she has been gone for too long and I just can't get her back?
I shut people out, the only people I really open up to is my very best friend and my fiance, they know me so well, it is scary.
I find it easier to push people away and ignore them, instead of admitting I am struggling and I am not okay....
It is true, when you go through really hard times, you really do realise who your true friends are, I most certaintly have, and people that I thought would be there for me, weren't and those who I never expected would be there for me, were.
Jetty <333
p.s I am not okay, but I hope some day I can say that I am....
you know what?
ReplyDeleteyou are one of the strongest humans i know!
its really hard for people to admit that stuff that you did!
a wise man said that a human suffers 13 years of shitty stuff in his life and well dear i think that period for you is over!
youre like clay ready to be sculpted into a beautiful masterpiece
you can mold your self whatever way you like!make yourself the way youve always dreamed :)
although i really like the current jetty shes pretty awesome! one of the awesomest non turtle ive ever met
anyheww i think this is getting to long soo
hugs! and DONT FORGET TO SMILE AND REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!
nawwwwwwww <33333333333333 love you, thank you for your comment, I really appreciate, my blog just lost it's bloginity to you, you popped its cherry!!! LMAO
ReplyDeletebahahah xD
ReplyDeletei took its bloginity LMFAO
it didnt come out as well as the last one but eh whatever
i anyway suck at writing these kind of things :P
andyoure welcome!
you do not suck at writing these kinda things :)
ReplyDeleteyep my blog is now your blogitch (bitch) LMFAO
Love, please know this. The best of you is probably yet to come. Now that you've opened your heart to love again, always keep in mind that tone toxic person will never have the strength of a thousand horses to steal or drag away the best of you with him. If you truly feel you're in love again, give Seb the best of you. It may come out in bits and pieces. But at the same time, allow him to bring out the rest of the best in you.
ReplyDeleteYou'll see. She never really left.
In the words of Blue October's 'Worry List': I might have been gone but I never walked out.
xoxo
love you Red, I cannot be Jet without you <3 and Seb is helping me alot, I am very grateful he walked into my life, although he came into my life at the most terrible time in my life, I am really happy he did. <33333 I love you Shay
ReplyDelete