Monday 26 September 2011

thanks Mum

For always managing to chip away what little self worth and dignity I have....I know deep down you do love me, but please don't tell me you are proud of me in the same breath of telling me all the bad things you see.
Your 'compliments' are so back-handed, a double-edged sword ' ohhh you look really nice today, ewww but that eyeshadow makes you look like a drag queen'.
So we argued about my mess of a life for 6hrs straight the other night, if you are not trying to tell me how to cook, you are telling me how to wash clothes, I am 34, I have lived out of home since I was 18. 
No wonder why I cannot bare to look at myself in the mirror with pride.


I got rid of one asshole out of my life who made me feel worthless, useless and helpless and I still have to hear it from you? 
It has gotten to the stage where I never call you or visit you and when I am around you I feel like I am suffocating. I can barely hug you when you hug me.
You said some really harsh thing to me the other night that really offended me but looking back, you are really speaking the truth, I am all of those things.
Hopefully not for much longer....
It seems I cannot even be a daughter you can be proud of.